she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
