honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
