Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
high people should be assigned attendants
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
