Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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