Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
