omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
