In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize