i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
