I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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