Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
