I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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