I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
