omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
