Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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