I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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