Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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