i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i came on her dog
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
