yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize