So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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