Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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