i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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