got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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