i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
