I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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