If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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