i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We are all done wearing pants today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
