Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
