i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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