I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
