I wish I could teleport
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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