i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
