pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
