I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
