i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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