dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
