I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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