Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
