theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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