Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
