I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
