Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
