She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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