It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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