we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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