Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
