Just fell off a train. Bad.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
