That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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