im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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