Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
