Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
