margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
