I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
