your parents love me but you hate me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you didnt know i had herpes?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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