How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just found puke in my bra..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
