He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
