There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
