Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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