my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
