mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
