We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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