Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
