Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
