i wish my penis had a tongue
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
