ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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