i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
