Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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