I like to think it a success when the cops are called
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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